It’s that time of the week again, where thoughts turn to the age old problem of explaining why your homework is nowhere to be found. This time we have the added problem that it is the end of half term, so more homework and higher teacher expectations just because you have had a week to do it. This logic is obviously nonsense, as with that extra time you also have to do a lot more important stuff!

Anyway, given the unrealistic expectations of completion we need to come up with a belter. This one needs a bit of work, and rather than an excuse it really relies on misdirection.

You have to pretend you have gone mad!

I would start by wearing underwear on you head. If you can, walk into the classroom backwards singing ‘If I only had a brain’ from the Wizard of Oz. If you can’t sing, even better. You can then use your imagination for the conversation that follows. Speak in tongues, only use colours, don’t say anything at all, just smile and dribble a little….. Are all possibles.

Depending on how believable you are and how trusting your teacher is, you may have to keep it up for 10mins to several hours. But if it gets you out of a weeks worth of homework, it will be worth it.

Good luck.

Now, I know that for most of you hardworking students next week is half-term, and that you will be having a well deserved rest after many weeks of the torture that is sometimes known as school. But I thought I would add this excuses to the collection, and maybe you can use it at some future date.

Dear Sir/Miss (delete as appropriate), after I had spent about 36 hours of hard work on my Maths/History——– (include your necessary subjects) I left my paper in the sitting room next to the fireplace for safe keeping.

As you will know, it started to get very cold on Sunday afternoon, and I came into the sitting room to see my Mother lighting the fire. Great I thought, I will be able to snuggle up with my favourite Wibbly Pig toy, a nice hot chocolate and watch the TV. But imagine my horror when I noticed that my short sighted Mother had used my homework to help light the fire, and all I have left is this little corner.

(At this point produce a little piece of burnt paper – bat your eyelids and enter into one of your best smiles).