It’s that time of the week again, where thoughts turn to the age old problem of explaining why your homework is nowhere to be found. This time we have the added problem that it is the end of half term, so more homework and higher teacher expectations just because you have had a week to do it. This logic is obviously nonsense, as with that extra time you also have to do a lot more important stuff!

Anyway, given the unrealistic expectations of completion we need to come up with a belter. This one needs a bit of work, and rather than an excuse it really relies on misdirection.

You have to pretend you have gone mad!

I would start by wearing underwear on you head. If you can, walk into the classroom backwards singing ‘If I only had a brain’ from the Wizard of Oz. If you can’t sing, even better. You can then use your imagination for the conversation that follows. Speak in tongues, only use colours, don’t say anything at all, just smile and dribble a little….. Are all possibles.

Depending on how believable you are and how trusting your teacher is, you may have to keep it up for 10mins to several hours. But if it gets you out of a weeks worth of homework, it will be worth it.

Good luck.

Now, I know that for most of you hardworking students next week is half-term, and that you will be having a well deserved rest after many weeks of the torture that is sometimes known as school. But I thought I would add this excuses to the collection, and maybe you can use it at some future date.

Dear Sir/Miss (delete as appropriate), after I had spent about 36 hours of hard work on my Maths/History——– (include your necessary subjects) I left my paper in the sitting room next to the fireplace for safe keeping.

As you will know, it started to get very cold on Sunday afternoon, and I came into the sitting room to see my Mother lighting the fire. Great I thought, I will be able to snuggle up with my favourite Wibbly Pig toy, a nice hot chocolate and watch the TV. But imagine my horror when I noticed that my short sighted Mother had used my homework to help light the fire, and all I have left is this little corner.

(At this point produce a little piece of burnt paper – bat your eyelids and enter into one of your best smiles).

I have used this one a couple of times.

I am so sorry Sir/Miss (delete as appropriate) but after having spent 57 hours on my maths homework over the weekend, I seem to have written it in invisible ink!

Although it’s been used a couple of times, this excuse hasn’t actually worked yet, so I am trying different smiles at the end to try and perfect it.

I am very sorry that my post for homework excuses is so late, but I have spent the whole weekend coming up with something special.

But this has given me an idea.

“I am so sorry Sir/Miss (delete as appropriate), I only had 2 days for the weekend, and I had to spend all of my available time coming up with a great excuse for not being able to complete my homework to its normal high standard. “

I would call this is an excuse of last resort, and should only be used in an emergency. It may result in detention but you may get away with it due to the element of honesty. I would also use one of your best smiles at the end!

After last week’s excuse used the rain, I think we should stay on nature, so why don’t we go for the wind. This one is a winner, so if it doesn’t work, you haven’t told it right.

“I am so sorry Sir/Miss (delete as appropriate), but after completing all of my homework to an incredibly high standard, I decided to go out into the garden to show my work to the homework Gods and thank them for their help. As I held the work up to show them, a gust of wind took the paper from my hand and blew it up into very large tree. I thought I would be able to get a ladder and reach the ‘A+’ work, that is until a squirrel sprang out of nowhere and grabbed the work, smiled at me and bounced off to use it as a duvet.”